My moment of Zen

Welcome to the StaffRoom - the Interlude Edition! My name is Pav, and I’m one-half of the dynamic duo of The Staffroom Podcast.

Today, in my Interlude, I’m offering you my Moment of Zen, a segment that I will bring you once in a while, in order for you to find some peace knowing that others might be going through some of the same things as you.

I want to talk to you about Anxiety.

It’s something that plagues many of us educators very deeply, much of the time. And I know I’m not the only one that is affected so strongly by anxiety and even depression…how do I know this? Because over the last few months, I’ve talked about it with more and more of my colleagues and friends.

Anxiety and Depression are very difficult things to compartmentalize. More often than not, we, as functioning human beings, aren’t able to actualize where these feelings are coming from. They are likely a mixture of our teacher lives, and personal lives…but they are moments of sheer helplessness - moments when we feel unbelievably overwhelmed and incredibly over-stimulated. And they’re debilitating.

In the last year and a half, I’ve experienced some extreme moments of Anxiety and Depression. These are difficult things to talk about. These are difficult things to often even identify in ones self, and these are also very difficult things to deal with on a day-to-day basis. As teachers, we’re expected to wear a mask over these illnesses daily…and to pretend they do not exist. The children we stand in front of are dependent on our positivity and our dedicated outlooks…so when do we get reprieve? When do we get to let go, break down, unwind? It sure isn’t when we get home…there are mouths to feed, homework to finish, chores that need to get done, and activities we need to get to.

In the past 3 months, Chey and I have taken on this podcast as our passion project. We love this podcast…it’s precious to us. We are victorious over it’s successes, we are enthralled by it’s consistent progress. The adrenaline attached to this keeps our engines revved and running. We have learned so much, and made so many new connections, and it has been rewarding beyond belief.  But we have worked for all of it. We have put in the grind for this. We spend hours every day on this podcast. And that’s on top of everything else we do as teachers. So much of my anxiety stems from the fact that there is just so much to do - and I don’t want to drop the ball on any of it, because it’s all important.

The jobs of teachers are not 9-5. They’re not 8-6. They’re not 7-7…they are 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I have been known to take days off of work, in order to sit at home and do work. Many teachers I know have done this. We are so burnt out by our jobs that we cannot even make time to do our jobs during work hours. There is so much we are expected to accomplish, and we just can’t get to it all.

And let’s not forget that we all have personal lives to live. We have things happening outside of work that are affecting our mental health. There are times when my human mind isn’t capable of dealing with all of this. And this is where the breakdown begins. And this is where I have to take a step back, and worry about my own self-care. I don’t have the solutions, I don’t know how to balance the teaching, the extra-curricular activities, the report cards and IEPs, the positions of responsibility, the additional qualification courses, and then all the things that are not part of my teaching world.

The coping strategies help - if I can remember to use them in all my panic. But what I really wish I had more of is understanding and an outlet. It’s a tough one because when you have anxiety and depression, the last thing you feel like doing is asking for help. You have to wait until someone recognizes the symptoms and shows their concern and care. And those moments are important. I recognize and I collect those moments and save them for when I feel this way again. I remind myself that there are people who empathize with me, and that are actually concerned and do care.

I’ve begun to meditate…just ten minutes a day. And now I share meditation with my class a few times a week.

I’ve begun positive self talk. I tell myself that there are things I can control and there are things I cannot control. I must only worry about the things I can control. This has been effective.

I continue to work out. And I makes sure that I talk to my friends and family about how I’m feeling. We check in with each other and we allow each other to vent, without feeling like we need to offer solutions. There’s a lot of pressure in that.

There’s a quote by pedagogical theorist Paolo Friere that I came across a few weeks ago that I think about a lot lately. It goes.

“I cannot be a teacher without exposing who I am” 

I hope that some of my exposure today, will help me be a better teacher one day in the future. And I wish the same for all of you.

Thanks for joining me for my Interlude today.

We’ll chat again next time.